THE MAGIC OF CHILDHOOD

Is childhood really magical—or a myth we keep selling?

The Walt Disney World Resort, also called Walt Disney World or Disney World, is an entertainment resort complex in Bay Lake and Lake Buena Vista, Florida, United States, near the cities of Orlando and Kissimmee. From an aerial view of 5000 feet you can see the wondrous Cinderella Castle and the forbidding Space Mountain, as well as many intriguing and colorful rides and attractions, all in delectable candy colors that beguile and enchant. Zoom in to 2000 feet and you will see throngs of folks, big and little, sprinkled with brightly costumed characters, looking much like the Mad Hatter’s tea party gone amuk. As you gaze, you can almost taste the cotton candy and feel that thrill of joy at the promise of a memorable time. From 300 feet, it starts to look like a somewhat confused crowd, all in a great hurry, most going nowhere fast, and yet, the attractions are closer and bigger and look all the more exciting! 

At ground level, a different sort of picture begins to emerge: we start to spot angry and disgruntled children, some frightened by the giant rodents in costume, most bewildered by the sheer magnitude of the spectacle in front of them. Tuning in to the adult faces, we start to see impatience and even frustration, as these guardians struggle to deliver the magical experience that has been touted by them, and by the owners of the park. The lines are long, interminably long; they seem to go on forever. The midday sun is beating down hard and they are stuck, like a bug on a pin, waiting for the requisite ‘good time’ to be served up. Little Billy is starting to panic and complain, and his little sister is hungry and has to pee. One parent asks a neighbor in line to ‘please hold our place’ while she takes her daughter to the bathroom, and that neighbor refuses with a huff. Tempers are high, there is pushing and complaining, and still the line drags on. In that parents eye you see a silent prayer to please end this nightmare soon, so she can get off of her feet and into a quiet air-conditioned room! 

Welcome to the Magic of Childhood: the promissory note that will never deliver and always disappoint. But this isn’t a story about the horror of theme parks. I’m sure you have stories of your own that would illustrate that nightmare far better. I know I do. It’s really about what we are taught to expect from childhood and what we teach in return. 

We insist on trying to deliver to our children the experience of wonder and fascination in a world in which all is well, in which we have nothing but joy. We teach that we can manage to avoid any and all painful realities that may intrude. We have been sold this bill of goods by Hollywood and Hallmark, Disney and company; they are indifferent to the message and are merely responding to the marketplace,  but we are also culpable in this fraud. Parents today often feel that it is our mission to create a better experience than the one that we’ve had in childhood. In a real sense, we are compensating for and taking care of the child within, not the child at hand. We are trying to rewrite our own history. We desperately try to save our children from the hurts and childhood traumas that we’ve experienced. Instead, we manage to create a false sense that life will always go our way, that we’re not supposed to be unhappy, or to fail, or to lose. In doing so we rob our children of the real and necessary lessons in life that will build up strength and resilience. Their emotional ‘immune system’ never does get built, and we leave them bereft of the tools that they will need for the real challenges of life. 

I’m not suggesting that we make our children’s lives a living hell, (even if they can make ours that!); take joy where you find it and make the most of it, but let’s also integrate real lessons into their lives, so that they are not shocked and defeated when life doesn’t show up like a Disney movie. There are valuable lessons in failure, and every real success will, at some point, include failure. Shouldn’t we let them know, rather than let them be blindsided? Aren’t we really protecting ourselves, when we tell ourselves that we are shielding them from disappointment and unhappiness? We set them up for anxiety and depression when we try to insulate them from the harsh realities of life: “It’s not always going to go your way! Not everyone is going to like you, and they aren’t necessarily supposed to. You will have times when you have no friends and that is natural. You will lose from time to time, and that’s okay! You’re not always supposed to get what you want. It’s okay to be sad, it’s a natural state. You will be lonely sometimes. ” 

I know these thoughts are not very Disney, but as I watch the suicide rate go up among teens and young adults, I see a direct correlation between our presenting the unreality of the ‘magical childhood’ and the deep disillusionment and despair of our young people. Everytime we set up an ideal of what life should be, we set ourselves and everyone else up for failure. We are not ideal. Life is not a fairy tale. I know it sounds like heresy to tell a child that life is hard, yet, every time I’ve done so, I’ve seen relief on their faces. Finally, an acknowledgement of what they are going through! 

Let’s stop kidding ourselves and them. Childhood is hard! It’s confusing and annoying! You have very little power and everyone is telling you what to do and how to be. In addition, you are trying to be liked. You are trying to figure out who you are, and even who you are supposed to be. It is arguably the hardest time of life! It can take a lifetime to get over it! So, yeah, give them joy, give them experiences, give them fun, but for God’s sake, give them truth!